SORRY, HEART CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

The title of this post is accurately explained by this quote by Geneen Roth: “Most of us spend our lives protecting ourselves from losses that have already happened.”

When our heart is broken we usually respond in two unique ways:

A Either we make peace with the fact that the relationship was not meant to be – we were not made for each other and forgive our ex-partner and move on with our life. Such kind of people accept the fact that there is a certain amount of risk involved in love, risk of getting your heart broken – but then you have to take this risk if you are to find your true love.

B The other kind of people respond by putting up a Shield around them. The aim of this emotional Shield is to protect them from getting hurt again. They don’t want to go through the pain of heartbreak again. This Shield emotionally distances them from potential partners, hence the use of the phrase “Sorry, heart closed until further notice”. They do not trust anybody so much again. They also don’t open up to people easily. They become more afraid of getting hurt again and are happier with their Shielded persona than the potential happiness that may come from being in love again. They take a long time before they are willing to bring down the shield and fall in love again.

The point I am trying to make is that both types of people exist and they approach emotional problems in different ways. People’s self-preservation techniques differ from each other. The risk takers bounce back faster and enter the dating game faster. The Shielders take more time before they eventually bring their guard down and open up their heart again.

Life being short, the faster we come back to equilibrium and to our usual selves, the better. The Shield needs to be brought down faster because otherwise it will create a new self that is always restrained and not ready to ‘Let The Hair Down’ and enjoy life.

The people with the Shield need to realise that they are humans and the basic foundation of being human is to have emotions. We as humans experience all kinds of emotions – happiness, sorrow, anger, guilt, envy, etc. We cannot stick to the belief that by putting up this Shield (not letting anyone into our heart sooner), we will never get hurt again. If we live like this we are no different from a Zombie. I personally like to experience all emotions – that’s what makes me human.

Why be afraid of getting hurt emotionally? Why assume that each relationship will end in heartbreak? Why not enter each relationship with enthusiasm and hope for the best? Why not believe in the goodness of all human beings?

These are some questions that we need to answer for ourselves. And sometimes seeing the psychiatrist or psychologist or shrink also helps to bring down the Shield. As the saying by Ziad K. Abdelnour goes, "Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help and brave enough to ask for it."

Some relevant quotes:

“With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling.” — Britney Spears.

“Trying and getting hurt can't possibly be worse for you than being... stuck.” — Eliezer Yudkowsky.

“Don't give up the search for happiness because you're afraid of getting hurt.” — Martha Raye.

“Growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.” — Jim Butcher.

“Wasn't it time she risked getting hurt again, instead of just accepting the numbness of never letting anyone in?” — Jeaniene Frost.

#text #love #heart #heartbreak #sorry #emotions